Albert LuoGabby Peñarubia

i was just reading some of the most recent updates on the blog...

i get a feeling i'm going to get arrested for some of the things i say.

The Voice (...or Beast?) Within

Albert Luo > Gabby Peñarubia:
Tortoise does not act in a reckless manner. You mistake my primal instincts for recklessness, when in fact it is a natural way of things. Embrace the beast inside you!

Who Made You King of Anything?

dinasaurlove (11:07:08 PM): im relying on you, albert
dinasaurlove (11:07:10 PM): you're my man here
luoyuejia (11:07:15 PM): I SERVE NOBODY
luoyuejia (11:07:18 PM): I AM MY OWN PHARAOH

Dance floor? Or dance porn?

What kind of porn is there to watch?

You can just go to a dance floor and watch everyone have sex.

Dirrrrty.

Dina: Albert, you're being dirty lately.

Albert: Well I don't complain

about your face being dirty.

Just kidding.

Your face is great.

Our future doctor.

*Stomach growl*

Gabby: Is that your stomach?

Albert: Yes. That is my stomach and pancreas injecting liquids into each other.

As opposed to being...?

I hate being human!

Everyone's Favorite Firecrotch.

Olivia:Do you think gingers are cute?

Andrew: No.

Chris: Hell no.

Albert: No, I don't find them attractive.

*later*

Albert: Honestly, the only good-looking ginger I can think of to this day is... honestly... is Shaun White.

Everybody: WHAT . THE . FUCK, ALBERT?

WTF my computer just died.

It's like having sex with a prostitute then she dies.

Jackie Christ, my modern Jesus.

Just to let you know, I live for Jackie Chan.

Like a Loyal Dog.

Long live China!

For the motherland!

Most people take Memorial Day off. Albert doesn't.

Albert:

You know what?

In honor of you, I'll just

DRINK the garlic sauce.

Dina:

?

Albert:

NO.

EVEN BETTER...

I'LL POUR IT OVER MY BODY

AND RUB IT.

OIL MYSELF.

Dina:

...

Albert:

MMM.

GARLIC SAUCE ON MY NIPPLES.

Dina:

Please... I know you're joking.

Albert:

Busy rubbing.

Hold on...

Eff it; I'll just pour it down into my pants too.

Dina:

...

Albert:

...

I'm a terrible, terrible person, aren't I?

People in Africa are dying...

Dina:

Terrible.

Albert:

...While I'm gluttonizing garlic sauce.

Oh well.

EVIL IS INHERENT IN ALL HUMANS EITHER WAY.

POUR MORE GARLIC SAUCE!!!!!!!!!!

And since you like ketchup, I'll put

KETCHUP ON MY BODAY TOO

MMMMMMMMMMMMMM

GET IN THERE KETCHUP!

GIMME SOME TOMATOES

Favorite 5.

Gabby: Albs, so who are your top 5 guys in the hall?
Albert: Oh what, so I'm gay now?

Red Devils

Don't touch me.
Don't touch me with those devlish hands.
I don't want any of your devlish hands touching me!

Facebook chat can fuck Esteban.

PMS.

I have those days too.

And I just say,

"Fuck you"

to everyone.

Most guys would want to.

Q: So... are you guys going to have a threesome?

A[lbert]: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Dictionary.Com(munistAlbert)

There's no such thing as cuteness in my dictionary.

Yep, it's all ugly.

If I Was a Rich Girl...

Albert: If I ever get rich, I want my own stadium... 'cause the acoustics are AWESOME.

Ari: Cristel, 14 feet.

Albert: Oh, I just pictured

two Yao mings together.

To the Cholula Chica

I see your ovaries!

[to woman on hot sauce bottle]

Txt U L8r xo Stfu Lol

Your father has returned with an upgraded device to aid him in the multimedia world.

Balllllllllin'

Dina: Andrew! I'm gunna

kick you in the balls right now!

Albert: Oh yeah, Andrew

move your balls against her foot.

Dina: Ew!

Albert: mmmm balls.

Touch Me.

cristel: i love your keyboard on your computer albert!
albert: you're allowed to caress my keyboard.

The Clear Solution to Boredom.

Albert: I'm so fucking bored right now!

I am going to fuck a goat!

Dina: So you're telling me if I brought

you a goat right now, you would fuck it.

Albert: Yes, I will fucking fuck that goat.

Albert: (to Aquan) Fucking relax god.

Back in Business.

The reason I did not post for so long is because we were at 69 posts.

How could I possibly want to remove such an honor?

You're fucking cool, Warda.

You're so fucking coooooool.

Anna: You made me sad yesterday.

Albert: Oh I am displeased to hear that. I AM JUST ANAL AT TIMES OF FRUSTRATION THAT I CANNOT CONTAIN.

...Ok, I don't know why I'm talking like that.

#1 President for the #1 Student

Albert: Can you believe i fucking played George Washington?
Ari: What?! Haha!
Albert: In 2nd grade over all the white kids. You know why?
Ari: Why, Albert?
Albert: 'Cause I had the highest grade in the class! They put this white thing over my head!

All for one, and one for all.

Nick Shen: Duude. That was sick.

I peeled my boiled egg in only two pieces!

How does that happen?

Albert: Well I'll be more

impressed when it's in one piece.

Birthday Greetings.

Cristel: Happy birthday, Albert!

Albert: Happy birthday.

Cristel: It's not my birthday.

Because it IS his birthday.

Happy birthday, Albert!

Happy birthday, Ass!

Happy birthday, Dad!

*[Happy birthday song, accompanied by sparkler & Sprinkles cupcake]*

Albert: I am most happy right now.

Cake because it's almost his birthday.

Go, Anna! You can do it! Get that ice cream like a fat boy gets cake!

Question of the day.

Albert: Here's a good question: Why don't people act their own age?

Ari: Well, how does a 19-year old act?

Albert: ...I don't know. That's another good question.

He's not?

I am not the supreme ruler of the world or governor of essays.

Shut up, Just shut up, shut up...

Gabby: Albert, I'm so proud of you.

Albert: Shut up.