Dance floor? Or dance porn?

What kind of porn is there to watch?

You can just go to a dance floor and watch everyone have sex.

Dirrrrty.

Dina: Albert, you're being dirty lately.

Albert: Well I don't complain

about your face being dirty.

Just kidding.

Your face is great.

Our future doctor.

*Stomach growl*

Gabby: Is that your stomach?

Albert: Yes. That is my stomach and pancreas injecting liquids into each other.

As opposed to being...?

I hate being human!

Everyone's Favorite Firecrotch.

Olivia:Do you think gingers are cute?

Andrew: No.

Chris: Hell no.

Albert: No, I don't find them attractive.

*later*

Albert: Honestly, the only good-looking ginger I can think of to this day is... honestly... is Shaun White.

Everybody: WHAT . THE . FUCK, ALBERT?

WTF my computer just died.

It's like having sex with a prostitute then she dies.

Jackie Christ, my modern Jesus.

Just to let you know, I live for Jackie Chan.

Like a Loyal Dog.

Long live China!

For the motherland!

Most people take Memorial Day off. Albert doesn't.

Albert:

You know what?

In honor of you, I'll just

DRINK the garlic sauce.

Dina:

?

Albert:

NO.

EVEN BETTER...

I'LL POUR IT OVER MY BODY

AND RUB IT.

OIL MYSELF.

Dina:

...

Albert:

MMM.

GARLIC SAUCE ON MY NIPPLES.

Dina:

Please... I know you're joking.

Albert:

Busy rubbing.

Hold on...

Eff it; I'll just pour it down into my pants too.

Dina:

...

Albert:

...

I'm a terrible, terrible person, aren't I?

People in Africa are dying...

Dina:

Terrible.

Albert:

...While I'm gluttonizing garlic sauce.

Oh well.

EVIL IS INHERENT IN ALL HUMANS EITHER WAY.

POUR MORE GARLIC SAUCE!!!!!!!!!!

And since you like ketchup, I'll put

KETCHUP ON MY BODAY TOO

MMMMMMMMMMMMMM

GET IN THERE KETCHUP!

GIMME SOME TOMATOES

Favorite 5.

Gabby: Albs, so who are your top 5 guys in the hall?
Albert: Oh what, so I'm gay now?

Red Devils

Don't touch me.
Don't touch me with those devlish hands.
I don't want any of your devlish hands touching me!

Facebook chat can fuck Esteban.

PMS.

I have those days too.

And I just say,

"Fuck you"

to everyone.

Most guys would want to.

Q: So... are you guys going to have a threesome?

A[lbert]: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Dictionary.Com(munistAlbert)

There's no such thing as cuteness in my dictionary.

Yep, it's all ugly.

If I Was a Rich Girl...

Albert: If I ever get rich, I want my own stadium... 'cause the acoustics are AWESOME.

Ari: Cristel, 14 feet.

Albert: Oh, I just pictured

two Yao mings together.

To the Cholula Chica

I see your ovaries!

[to woman on hot sauce bottle]

Txt U L8r xo Stfu Lol

Your father has returned with an upgraded device to aid him in the multimedia world.

Balllllllllin'

Dina: Andrew! I'm gunna

kick you in the balls right now!

Albert: Oh yeah, Andrew

move your balls against her foot.

Dina: Ew!

Albert: mmmm balls.

Touch Me.

cristel: i love your keyboard on your computer albert!
albert: you're allowed to caress my keyboard.

The Clear Solution to Boredom.

Albert: I'm so fucking bored right now!

I am going to fuck a goat!

Dina: So you're telling me if I brought

you a goat right now, you would fuck it.

Albert: Yes, I will fucking fuck that goat.

Albert: (to Aquan) Fucking relax god.

Back in Business.

The reason I did not post for so long is because we were at 69 posts.

How could I possibly want to remove such an honor?

You're fucking cool, Warda.

You're so fucking coooooool.

Anna: You made me sad yesterday.

Albert: Oh I am displeased to hear that. I AM JUST ANAL AT TIMES OF FRUSTRATION THAT I CANNOT CONTAIN.

...Ok, I don't know why I'm talking like that.

#1 President for the #1 Student

Albert: Can you believe i fucking played George Washington?
Ari: What?! Haha!
Albert: In 2nd grade over all the white kids. You know why?
Ari: Why, Albert?
Albert: 'Cause I had the highest grade in the class! They put this white thing over my head!

All for one, and one for all.

Nick Shen: Duude. That was sick.

I peeled my boiled egg in only two pieces!

How does that happen?

Albert: Well I'll be more

impressed when it's in one piece.

Birthday Greetings.

Cristel: Happy birthday, Albert!

Albert: Happy birthday.

Cristel: It's not my birthday.

Because it IS his birthday.

Happy birthday, Albert!

Happy birthday, Ass!

Happy birthday, Dad!

*[Happy birthday song, accompanied by sparkler & Sprinkles cupcake]*

Albert: I am most happy right now.

Cake because it's almost his birthday.

Go, Anna! You can do it! Get that ice cream like a fat boy gets cake!

Question of the day.

Albert: Here's a good question: Why don't people act their own age?

Ari: Well, how does a 19-year old act?

Albert: ...I don't know. That's another good question.

He's not?

I am not the supreme ruler of the world or governor of essays.

Shut up, Just shut up, shut up...

Gabby: Albert, I'm so proud of you.

Albert: Shut up.

One night stand.

Albert: Remember that one night you slept in my room?

Gabby: Yeah.

Albert: I didn't even know your name then.

Gabby: Ass.

I Think I Can, I Think I Can...

"Let me think about this... Let me think about this like a little bitch."

A tisket, a tasket...

Gabby: Albs, you should come to pump & sculpt!

Albert: No.

Ari: There was a guy there!

Albert: That "a guy" was probably A GAY!

Remorseful.

"Such opportunity should not be wasted on

my mistakes!"

Clothes Call.

Gabby: I like your jeans.

Albert: I don't like my jeans.

Cristel: I don't like your jeans.

Albert: I hate you.

Cristel: I like your shirt.

Albert: I hate you.

Ari: I like your shirt, Albert.

Albert: YAY.

Two-for-one Special.

AHHH!

It's two Filipinos in one Korean room.

To believe, or not to believe.

Beastiality and disease is a chapter in this book. Can you believe that?

Nelly Furtado says, "I'm like a bird." So does Albert.

While you guys sit,

I'm going to arch myself

like this here while you guys eat.

I'm like a bird.

Chiiiiirp.

Curiosity Kills the Pretzel.

Come on, light the pretzel on fire!

I want to see this happen.

[awkward silence]

What? It's organic material.

No Such Thing.

There's no such thing as fun in Middle Earth.

If the Key Fits...

This car is really waxed. It's time to key it!

Some like it Hot.

Olivia: You can make anything sound dirty

Albert: You lick that hot chocolate . . .

You know, like black people.

We watch GLEE. Albert watches people.

I like the way people are getting

absorbed by the tv screen.

It's SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF THEM!

bahaha.

The Little Princess.

Circa 5:24 pm, March 31, 2010

via text

Me: Do you want to eat?
Albert: no. Do YOU want to eat? We're walking to brandy right now. Us guys.

Me: Okay. We're on our way. Save me a seat!

Albert: You eat on the ground.

Me: I want to sit by you.

Albert: Ok fine, you can eat on a yoga mat.

Me: Yes, Princess.

Albert: Good, we can continue this mutual relationship then :)

A throwdown? No, a throwup.

How does everyone throw up so much?

Okay, I take that back. Everyone throw up.

Clog up every toilet, sink, and fountain!

THAT Time of the Month.

My period's starting now. Your estrogen is affecting me.

Hugs and Kisses.

Gabby: I want a hug! [hugs Olivia, Andrew, and Dina, respectively]

Albert: Gabby, I don't want a hug, a handshake, or a high five. But I do want something.

Gabby: So... what you're telling me is that you want a kiss?

Albert: No.

Gramatically incorrect, unless Albert counts himself as 2 people. Then that would just be cocksure.

i are hungry!

@ Mina Choe

A: Your parents have stopped time (in reference to the non-functioning, decorative clocks). And none of the pictures are aligned.
Joann: That's the style.
A: Oh, really?

Against Victory.

I don't want to win anymore. This needs to end.

(RE: 7-win streak in BP)

Parts of the chicken that should not be discussed.

Ameen Manghi Guess what?

38 minutes ago · Comment ·

Albert Luo

CHICKEN BUTT

36 minutes ago

Completely irrelevant to whatever conversation we were engaged in.

"There are cute girls in the bookstore."

Rite Aid. or Rite Acid?

Something about the root beer tastes like...

battery acid.

Idolatry. or Prayer.

Give me good fortune, O mighty Panda!

The Sound of Music.

Gabby: I want a baby grand in my house.

Olivia: Me too!

Gabby: I love the sound of the piano.

Olivia: Oh my gosh, I know.

Albert: It's funny that most people who like the sound of the piano can't recognize the sound of a flute.

Gabby and Olivia: ...

Gabby: I can. I wanted to play the flute.

Olivia: So did I... but I got stuck with the clarinet.

Albert: Clarinet's fun. It's got a very rich sound.

Albert's version of Mean Girls.

i am now your mortal enemy;

forever we will be in strife.

A Masochist.

dina: Ow!

olivia: Ouch!

albert: it seems like the inhabitants

of this room are getting hurt.

i am enjoying this pain.

Hunger-Induced Angst.

I find it very ironic that

there is a spring simulation

... inside the mall!

Homebros in the 951.

Fuck Santa.

Just kidding.

I love Santa.

Santa is my homebro.

@ Rainforest Cafe

Give me great fortune,

mighty alligator!

RE: Magic Mountain Jobs

This is the best job in the world!

You get to hear kids

screaming all day

... and it's legal!

Juguetear.

How do you say "frolic" in Spanish?

I want to know how to say that.

Pterodáctilo

Albert: Do you want to know how

to say pterodactyl in Spanish?

Me: No.

Albert: (excitedly) Well, it’s pterodáctilo.

Girls.

Albert: Do girls put on makeup together?

Girls: What?

Albert: Do roommates say, “Hey, let’s put on makeup together”?

Girls: No.

Albert: Really?

Albert Says: "Katsu"

Albert: Like on the ride Katsu

Gabby: Katsu is chicken, Albert.

Albert: Shut up, Gabby.

Inspired

Albert Luo › Olivia Phelps: i decided to make my library open to the network, you have inspired me to share my music

WhAt NoW

Gabby: Cristel is so nervous for tomorrow

Albert: lol why?

I SHOULD BE NERVOUS

I’M DRIVING SO DAMN FAR

HOLY SHIT

Gabby: I KNOW

WHY ARE WE YELLING?

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN

Albert: if caps lock is yelling...

then... undercase is whispering?

what if i talked like this

WhAt NoW gAbBy

whispering and yelling at the same time

Modern Family

Gabby: Do you watch Modern Family?

Albert: No, but I have heard good comments on that show.

Richard: I mean, I know it's not anime...

Albert: You're an asshole.

Hugs.

Q: Why don't you like hugs?

A: I enjoy hugging people, however, I dislike certain aspects of hugging.

These aspects include any of the following or combination of: the awkward leaning-forward hug, the also equally awkward shoulder hug, or if you hug me so many times that the meaning of the hug is lost.

My way of seeing it is that if you're going to hug, hug like you mean it and not too often.

3 days ago by luoyuejia

Serenity.

*Anna freaks out*

Albert: Be calm, Anna. I have the serenity of a forest.

Appreciation.

Don't appreciate me by giving me anything. Appreciate me in thought.

My soul.

Do I have a ravaging soul? A gentle soul? An angry soul? A dark soul?

A Conditional Statement.

Children, Grandpa Albert wants to teach you what an "if-then" statement is:

"If those kids scooter into my car,

then I'm going to run them over with my car."

It makes my heart tickle

Rose: you know what i love? Seeing old couples at Disneyland!

Gabby, Nik, and Jen: o yeah/that's so cute/that's going to be me in the future

Albert: awwww that just makes my heart tickle inside

On Pity

"Don't pity me. Pity my soul."

--Albert

Albert Loves the Olympics.

Vancouver, CA. Winter Olympics 2010.

"Skating... this sport is beautiful."

You know you love me,

xoxo Albert Luo

Albert Sings: "Hey, Oh"

( This time, Albert sings.

Kevin [to Ari and Gabby]: Shh. Listen.

[Ari and Gabby listen]

Albert [unaware we are listening, with a rhythmic head-bobbing, singing]: Heyyyy-oh. This is what I saaaaay-oh.

Albert Reps the 951 (and 909)!

luoyuejia (10:10:32 PM): why do all of you freaking live
luoyuejia (10:10:33 PM): in the west
luoyuejia (10:10:36 PM): near LA
luoyuejia (10:10:37 PM): so far!
luoyuejia (10:10:38 PM): sheez
HATER L1m (10:10:56 PM): cuz only the cool people live there
luoyuejia (10:11:12 PM): ...
luoyuejia (10:11:16 PM): i'm telling ari
luoyuejia (10:11:16 PM): LOL
luoyuejia (10:11:22 PM): ok
luoyuejia (10:11:23 PM): i don't know
luoyuejia (10:11:25 PM): why i said that
HATER L1m (10:11:25 PM): telling ari wat
HATER L1m (10:11:28 PM): lolll
luoyuejia (10:11:32 PM): cus ari lives next to me
luoyuejia (10:11:32 PM): lol
luoyuejia (10:11:41 PM): or, nearly.
luoyuejia (10:11:43 PM): pretty close
HATER L1m (10:11:48 PM): so?
luoyuejia (10:11:55 PM): we represent the inland empire!

Albert Ignores the Question.

via Formspring.me

Q: who is your current crush?

A: I truly believe there are better and more meaningful questions to ask. Seriously.

Formspring isn't limited to just "love life" questions. And honestly, who posts their love interests ever as answers? :|

Denied.

Gabby: Albert, you couldn't even remember my name.

Albert: We only talked, like, 5 times!

Gabby: Not true.

Albert: Yes. We would say hello, but that's about it.

I was seeking friendship, and you denied me!

Albertsons.

Albert: Where did you guys go?

Gabby: to "ALBERT"sons

Albert: Well... I went to ROSEnsons

Gabby: MY NAME IS GABBY!

Albert Says: "Touch My..."

Albert: Touch my body.

Dr. Albert.

Albert: Anna, do you ever look at people and wonder where their organs are?

Anna: No.

Albert, the Dancing Daisy.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010 via Facebook:

Gabby Penarubia

hopefully, i read this right, and extracted the angry emotions from this conversation. y/n

Yesterday at 10:04pm ·

Ariana Espiritu

"i was reading a book called "The 48 Laws of Power"'

Yesterday at 10:05pm

Albert Luo

i was as happy as a dancing daisy in the wind

Yesterday at 10:07pm

Albert Says: "I'M NOT GOING DAMNIT, SHUTUP"

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

luoyuejia (10:00:53 PM): hmm
luoyuejia (10:01:04 PM): this is offtopic
luoyuejia (10:01:06 PM): but this is
luoyuejia (10:01:09 PM): starting to get really annoying
luoyuejia (10:01:12 PM): my email is getting spamemd with
luoyuejia (10:01:14 PM): ticketmaster saying
luoyuejia (10:01:21 PM): "LOOKING FORWARD TO SEE YOU AT THE JOHN MAYER CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!"
luoyuejia (10:01:24 PM): I'M NOT GOING DAMNIT, SHUTUP
HATER L1m (10:02:02 PM): HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA

Albert Says: "ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?"

Albert Luo March 24 at 9:52pm Reply

ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? i was there at 6-8! i was at barnes/borders or whatever they have there and i went around to a few clothing stores. danggggg.

Gabby Penarubia March 24 at 9:54pm

@Albert: Why are you always angry? And damn, we shouldve known you were reading at a shopping mall

Albert Luo March 24 at 9:56pm Reply

if you were able to extract anger from my previous post, then... you did not extract the emotions correctly. :| hahaha, i was reading a book called "The 48 Laws of Power"

ok, i'm done here.